[LB Members] Fwd: A Players Guide for Keeping Arrangers/Conductors/Drum Majors in Line

[mckisgr8 at aol.com]

-----Original Message-----
From: billrod at cox.net
To: mckisgr8 at aol.com



Some of you know Bill Deans, so you know that the humor is out there.
But no matter what is going on about you, always need a laugh.
 
See everyone Wed!
 
Bill
 
 Subject: FW: A Players Guide for Keeping Arrangers/Conductors/Drum Majors in Line


 






1) Never be satisfied with the tuning note. Fussing about the pitch takes attention away from the conductor and puts it on you, where it belongs.
 
2) When raising the music stand, make sure the top comes off and spills the music on the floor.
 
3) Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, the fact that the snares are too close too the third sopranos. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure to get alot of things accomplished.
 
4)  Look the other way just before cues
 
5)  When the corps is at attention, just before the final run through of the routine, take out all your valves and start oiling them.
 
6)  Ask for a seating change. Ask often. Give the impression that you are about to quit.
 
7)  Just before a chart is played, and immediately after the bugles up command, loudly blow water through the keys when it is real quiet.
 
8)  Long after a passage has been played, ask the conductor if your C# was in tune. This is especially effective if you had no C# or were not playing at all.
 
9) At the climax of each piece, be busy marking your music so the crescendos sound empty and disappointing
 
10) :Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.
 
11) Aks the conductor if he has heard the Bernstein version of the chart. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it.
 
12) When rehearsing a brand new chart just handed out, screw up your face and shake your head indicating that you will never be able to play it.
Don't say anything. Just make him wonder.
 
13) If your articulation differs from that of others playing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Don't ask the drum major which is correct until you are on the starting line.
 
Bill Deans (Inside Sales)
GRANITE CITY ELECTRIC
19 Quincy Ave
Quincy, MA 02169
 
PH 617-472-6500  FAX 617-472-8661
 

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